Summer isn’t prime time for reading professional development books but sometimes the best advice comes from the most unlikely sources.
Some of the best professional advice I’ve found comes from Louise Penny’s bestselling detective series centered on the inhabitants of the fictional Canadian hamlet of Three Pines. (The series of 19 books makes for great summer reading, by the way. The 20th book, “The Black Wolf,” is due out in late October.)
The protagonist of the series is Inspector Armand Gamache, who leads the homicide department of the Sûreté du Quebéc. Gamache is a complex, haunted but kind man, who sees part of his job as mentoring young police officers.
He tells them there are four things they need to learn how to say: 1) “I don’t know,” 2) “I need help,” 3) “I’m sorry” and 4) “I was wrong.”
Not typical professional advice, right?
But being able to say those four statements, whether you are a junior interior designer or the head of a large firm, can help build trust, rectify errors and even save time.
The thing is, learning to master the statements might be one of the hardest things you do. That’s certainly the case for many of Inspector Gamache’s proteges.
Let’s look at each phrase in turn.
1. “I don’t know.” It’s not just people starting out in their careers who don’t know things. We all want to appear like experts in our field, but if we’re going to grow, no matter where we are in our professional lives, there’s always something new to learn and skills to develop. If you’re a seasoned designer, you might not be familiar with the artificial intelligence tools that your younger colleagues use all the time. If you are taking on your first commercial design project, you might not be up to speed on those building codes.
It’s OK. There is so much we don’t know. So, we go in search of the information. We find a YouTube tutorial or podcast with tips for how to best use ChatGPT (or we ask ChatGPT directly). We ask someone to educate us: We set up a meeting with a contractor we trust or a mentor who does a lot of commercial work and ask them to share what they’ve learned.
It can be even scarier to say, “I don’t know,” to clients, who have hired you for your expertise. But it’s far better to admit you don’t know — and will get them an answer quickly — than to avoid their inquiry or to try to bluff by offering unverified information.
If, at first, it’s too uncomfortable to utter, “I don’t know,” try “I want to learn more.”
If you have a management role, make it easier for others to admit when they don’t know something. Say, “I’m so glad you came to me. Let’s get you up to speed” and be sure you offer regular and adequate training for your team.
2. “I need help.” If it’s hard to admit you don’t know something, it can be even harder for many of us to acknowledge that we can’t do it all by ourselves. We want to feel competent, able to take on anything. Asking for help can expose our vulnerabilities. At worst, needing help can make us feel like failures.
As your business grows, at some point, you must bring on administrative staff, other designers or a project manager. That’s not a sign of failure; that’s a wise, strategic decision.
But what about other times when you need help? Perhaps a family member is ill and you need to restructure your workweek. Perhaps you have a vexing problem and need someone to help you consider your options. You can stress, stew and let your problems cascade — or you can ask for the help you need.
If you’re still uncomfortable asking for help, think about this: People often want to help. It makes them feel useful and helps to build bonds between us.
So, you can also make it comfortable for others to ask you for help. Check in with your team regularly to see if anyone is feeling overwhelmed or overburdened. Help staff prioritize their work to jettison less important projects or bring in temporary assistance.
(The “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast with Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle recently reupped a “best of” episode titled “Help: How to Ask for the Help You Need.” It’s worth a listen and available, as they say, wherever you get your podcasts.)
3. “I’m sorry.” When you’ve made an error or wronged a client or colleague, a heartfelt “I’m sorry,” can diffuse anger and start the process of fixing the problem. It’s important to be genuine and important to say “I’m sorry” as quickly as you can. Don’t clutter it up with extraneous excuses, though you can take the opportunity to explain clearly and simply how the mistake was made. Then lay out what you will do to remedy the situation.
If the “I’m sorry” stems from saying something insensitive or failing to support a colleague, vow to do better in the future.
If the “I’m sorry” stems from a mistake, use the opportunity to reevaluate your processes or procedures to see if you can prevent such errors in the future. One caveat: If you’re trying to rectify the error of a staff member, don’t harangue them during the evaluation process or make them feel like a process needs to be completely upended because of their error. “Let’s see what steps we can take to prevent this mistake in the future because I see now what an easy error it could be to make” will be kinder than, “We’re going to have to overhaul the way we handle cost overruns because of your errors on the last project.”
4. “I was wrong.” Just as “I don’t know” and “I need help” are similar, “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong” are linked. We’re all wrong sometimes but if we’re insecure in our role, we may be scared to admit our mistakes, fearing the consequences.
If you have a managerial role, it’s critical to create an environment where people feel comfortable admitting they made a mistake, instead of trying to cover up the error or delay telling anyone. If someone says to you, “I was wrong,” thank them for their honesty and help them work through ways to rectify the situation, if necessary.
If you’re the one who needs to acknowledge, “I was wrong,” do it as quickly as possible and offer suggestions for how any resulting errors could be fixed.
But “I was wrong” doesn’t always stem from an error. It can simply mean you now have a greater understanding of an issue, and your previous opinion doesn’t hold up. That’s a sign of growth.
For most of us, none of those four phrases are entirely comfortable to utter. But learning to say them — and giving others grace when they say them to you — can help you to do everything from reducing mistakes to strengthening relationships.
In Penny’s Three Pines book series, Inspector Gamache works with a capable, compassionate team and it all starts with “I don’t know,” “I need help,” “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.”
